i just want to SCREAM!

and i have. one of the joys of living alone is that you can scream to your heart’s desire, and no one will judge you for it (except for maybe your neighbors). i have been on one crazy emotional roller coaster over the past two weeks, and i am really just ready for life to get back to normal.

at this very time two weeks ago, i was sitting on a picnic table in Asheville while numerous CCC staff members were around me trying to figure out what to do with me and my foot. little did i know that God would be bringing me back to Augusta just 24 hours later. it’s crazy to me to think that CCC is now in it’s second week of summer camp, and i’m at home, not getting to be apart of it.

at this very time a week ago, everything had gotten to me. the tears that i had been holding inside for the past week or so were ready to come out, but i wouldn’t let them. my life had done a complete 180, and i was sitting in my house with Tyler and Leah eating lunch. i really didn’t think i would do that this summer, let alone spend most of my summer as a “crip” (my nickname given to me by more than one friend) who can’t drive.

last week was just stressful. there’s no other way to put it. Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday were pretty good days. i got a lot done in my house, we had a cookout on Sunday night, and lots of hanging out was done at my house. but then Wednesday came. i guess it was just my breaking point. i ended up SOBBING that night with my boss, Drew, and it was good to get everything out. it was still just a really rough day, and i ended up spending the night with some friends because i didn’t want to be alone. my keys got lost, i was stuck in an awkward place with two friends, and a huge storm came through Augusta that tore my mailbox in two!

i was ready for the weekend, so that i could get away from all the drama i have been placed in. it’s so hard for me, because i keep thinking, “if i were in Asheville, i wouldn’t have to deal with this.” i know that God has a reason for every single thing He’s doing, but it’s so so so hard for me to remember that sometimes. especially when crazy things go wrong. the keys ended up being found, and the mailbox got fixed (i should’ve taken a picture of that thing before and after; it looks crazy good now). i ended up getting to hang out with my two favorite Chelseas over the weekend, and i am SO beyond grateful for that time with them. a few of us went to a GreenJackets game on Saturday night, and besides having to leave after three innings due to the rain, it was a fun night. but, like a roller coaster, the fun eventually ends.

before i left for camp, i wrote a post and i talked about not getting to be apart of the “unit” of interns and student ministry staff this summer. now that i am, i find myself looking on the other side of the fence and asking the “what if” questions. there have been times this past week that i HATE what i’m doing, and that i HATE being in Augusta. right now, i wish i was far far away from Augusta and that little “unit”. but there’s this other part of me that hates that i feel that way and remembers what a blessing it is to be apart of that “unit”. i think the past two days have been super frustrating and hard, so instead of facing the problem head on, i want to run away from it.

i still don’t know WHAT God’s trying to teach me right now. but, i was going through some stuff the other day and found this quote and i love it. it says, “Seasons change. God never does.”

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