So, this past week has been a roller coaster ride for me. I have been on some super highs, and I have also been on some super lows. One question that I asked my friend Tyler the other day has really stuck with me over the past few days. The question is, “Why am I in Augusta dealing with the things I’m dealing with?”
I so want to know the heart of God in this journey I’m walking in right now. Why did He bring me home? What’s the point? If I was in Asheville at camp, the things that are major distractions to me right now would be in the back of my mind. I’m just in a huge funk. Satan’s attacking me in almost every direction, and I absolutely HATE it.
I’m a control freak. I’ll admit it. I’ve gotten better over the years, but it’s still something I struggle with a lot. During this time of my life, I’m having to rely on other people to do simple things like take me to work and church or even take me to the store. I hate it. If people are at my house (which they have been a lot lately), they won’t let me do certain things, which is for my own benefit, but I’m SO independent that it kills me. I can’t even take a quick trip to Target without someone else because I can’t drive. Again, I hate it.
I know the Lord is really using this time to shape me into a woman that is after His own heart. I’ve been reminded time and time again by so many people here in Augusta that there is a reason I’m home. The other day that reason was for me to love on some sweet middle school girls and share the Word with them. Today that reason was for me to join in on fellowship with the high schoolers after VBS. My pastor preached on Ecclesiastes 3 this past Sunday morning, and his message was just what I needed. Like Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, “There is a time for everything.” Later on in the chapter in verse eleven it says, “He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.” These are two verses that I’m holding onto right now in this time in my life.
I have a feeling that one day I’ll look back on this time and remember it as one of the greatest times in my relationship with the Lord. If anything, I’ve learned how to rely on Him and how to go to Him with all of my needs. He’s allowing me to walk some hard things right now from a broken ankle to relationship issues. The middle school girls’ Bible study that I (now) get to help lead is about Philippians. Philippians 1 is about “joy in the journey”. I prepared this study for them on one of the harder days I’ve had this past week. I was so encouraged by Philippians 1:6 where Paul says, “For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.”
There are some areas of my life right now where I am beyond confused about what is going on. There are people in my life right now that I never would’ve imagined being there nor imagined God using them SO much. I’m making some new and good friends, and I’m walking through some tough stuff with some of my old friends. Yet, despite all of these things, I’m claiming to one HUGE promise that the Lord has for all of us which is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a hope and a future.”